What if?
by BloodAndDiamonds
Summary: It was the one thought that had haunted them for months. It was a question that needed answering to bring about a twisted sense of closure. But sometimes, they realise, certain questions are better left unanswered.


In the vast, dark forest areas of the Hinterlands, the wind whistled slowly through the trees. The sound echoed around the ears of a male elf, sitting there in the middle of a forest clearing, and whooshed on by him. He didn't look up, ignoring the cold chill along the back of his neck as he idly drew figures in the dry dirt with his carving knife. The weather, lately, had been unusually dry and warm, causing some of the camp members to suffer terribly from coughing fits and difficulty breathing through the dusty side roads that led them to Redcliffe.

The wind blasted through the trees again, stronger this time and almost whistling into his ear; it was enough to make him look up in annoyance.

"Sorry." His clanmate, ever young and immature, smiled back at him as she apologised, dimples in her thin cheeks as she crossed her legs.

"Are you okay?" He asked, pushing blond hair from his eyes –when had he let it get so _long_? -and raising an eyebrow at her. She shrugged.

"Tired, bored. I'm itching to pick up my daggers and fight again, for some reason. But I fought this morning, so maybe I'm just _really _bored." She smiled again, pristine and perfect in the dim moonlight as she watched him carefully. "What about you? How are you feeling this awfully dry evening, Tam?"

"It's not worth talking about." Tamlen answered carefully, looking up again to fully meet Mahariel's eyes. They twinkled in the moonlight, always the same shade as she gave him a sadder smile.

"That reoccurring doubt in your mind? It won't leave. The blight has to end; stop thinking that you'll fall before the end."

"I just… I keep thinking on what could have been. What if we'd never walked into that cave?" He asked, eyes narrowed as she gave a light hearted laugh and shook her head.

"Well then, we wouldn't be here, would we?" Her smile said it all; she regretted it as much as him. Darkspawn blood sang to them both, calling them forward to an Archdemon that they had to resist. The nightmares were always awful, scarring mentally and physically. He'd never really gotten rid of the blotches that had stained his skin before the joining. The left side of his cheek was marred with what looked like an eternal bruise, when in reality it was flesh that had come close to rotting off.

Eternal.

Everything seemed it, in this clearing. How many times had they both sat in a clearing and had the most meaningful of conversations? She'd fallen for him in one of these clearings; he'd fallen harder.

"You've changed, Tam." Her voice was light and airy, as it always was when she got overly concerned.

"You haven't." He commented dryly, giving her a sad smile as she cocked her head to the side and gave him a charming smile.

"Oh I have; I just haven't let you see it." Her smile was reminiscent of when they were younger, in their early teens when he wanted to grow up and she wanted to stay forever young and cute without seeming childish. It was a smile that used to be accompanied with a large flick in her hair and a long ponytail on the back of her head. The smile stayed the same, but her hair was drastically shorter than it had once been.

"Such a cute smile… You really haven't changed. Physically, maybe, but inside you're still that young girl who didn't want to grow up."

"Indeed. But we're older now, Tam. We're the grown ups." She uncrossed her legs as she spoke, standing up carefully and throwing him another sweet smile. He followed, standing behind her and close enough to touch her. Mahariel crossed her arms over her chest loosely, and started to pace.

"What's on your mind?"

"Do you want to see how I've changed, Tam?" She turned to face him, a full head shorter than him and far enough away that he merely needed to take one step closer to wrap her in his arms. But he didn't. Now wasn't the time.

"Show me…" Tamlen's voice was uncertain, and in his pain he took a step back when she gave a sad smile. He took another step back in horror when her smile disappeared.

Her skin darkened before him, blotching and rotting before clumping and falling to the floor. She grew thinner, her armour darkening and seeming like an overly large shell on her body. Hair fell from her head, dark and tainted as she shook violently, eyes turning the dark purple of the taint as her skin around her lips twisted to an expression he couldn't read if he'd wanted to.

It was horrifying. His heart stopped in his chest as she stood before him, eyes occasionally flickering to their original colour before turning back. Her teeth were sharper, weapons on her back cruder and jagged.

"Now you see why I've tried to hide it so many times."

"No… Not you. No." Tamlen took another step back, stopping short when his back hit a tree. Mahariel stepped towards him.

"Why'd you do it, Tamlen? Why did you leave me in the cave? I cried for help so many times; you walked right past me and didn't realise it. Why'd you do it? Why did you let me turn into this?" Her face _seemed _sullen and upset, although he couldn't really tell due to the taint on her. She started to shudder, shaking her head in sadness as she questioned him.

"I tried to look for you, once I went back. But the shem told me you were dead… gone. _Dead_."

"Do I look dead to you, Tam? Why didn't you look harder; you never believed the Shemlen before; why now?" She trailed off, before her voice echoed around his head whispering 'why?' over and over again. Her lips turned up in a smile; a tainted and darker shadow of the charming smile she'd once possessed.

As quickly as she had changed into the tainted version of whom she once was, a wind blew and seemed to blow her away in the breeze. Mahariel simply disintegrated before his very eyes, lost to the wind as the trees filled up with the screeches of shrieks.

Standing in the clearing, panting heavily from sheer terror and shame, Tamlen refused to allow a sob to rack through his body. The wind blew through his hair, tangling it up as it increased. Soon it was nearly battering him in the clearing as he leaned against a tree and held his head in his hands.

The sound of ragged breathing made him lift his head, and he was shaken to see Alistair running through to the clearing towards him.

"Tamlen! You have to hurry; shrieks are attacking the camp!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Just a quickie from me! Made for the DevArt's Tamlen Fanclub 'What if?' competition. I liked writing this, oddly, despite the little twisted element to it. *now has to get back to her Kuro fics*

Anywho! The 'What if?' is What if Tamlen _did_ escape the cave, only to find that Mahariel hadn't? What if he'd become the Warden, and his friend lost to wallow in darkness and become the ghoul? Will the Blight still be stopped with the wrong Dalish leading the Wardens?

Now, why is Mahariel described as so perfect in this? Because, as I wrote this, I had Tamlen looking at her exactly how he remembered her, completely perfect in comparison to the ghoul she ends up as. She's not an intentional Mary Sue; it's just how he wants to remember her and how she wants him to remember!

Also, I didn't put a first name in there, eye color or hair color because she kinda represents all Fem!Mahariels in the game, regardless of the fact that now Tamlen is the Warden and not a Fem!Mahariel. Yeah...

Has he gone insane? Is he _really _seeing an image of the tainted Mahariel, or is he loosing his mind? Decide for yourself! :P

Anyway, this was originally a part of my story 'A Twist of Fate' which was, in effect, the above description, but I stopped writing it a few months back. Enjoy!


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